June 22, 2003

INTO THE EAR OF GOD

The mysteries of the universe are a small thing when you’re in pain.  Some pain can make everything that came before it disappear, and everything to come, no wider than the howl rushing from your mouth into the ear of God.  That’s how she felt when she got the call from Florida.  Up until then, she still thought somehow, some way, the kid would grow out of it, come to his senses, have a spiritual awakening.  Surely, her perseverance would make a difference.  Surely following direction, seeking help, and a willingness to change would have its happy ending. Surely.

“Mom, I’m in jail.”  Long pause. “It’s serious.”

She’d been dealing with these calls for a number of years… since he was twelve.  He’s seventeen when she gets the call.

“There was a fight.  They were gonna hit my friend in the head with a cement block.”

Her heart begins to pound, and she has the strange loss of confidence that she has dealt with everything that life could hand her on this particular journey.

“They charged me with attempted murder.   Two counts.”

He describes the details, the arrest, and his confessions.  He says there was a gun.  He brought the gun.

“Oh, my son,” she moans.  Oh, my God… my son…