February 15, 2004

NOWHERE ELSE TO TURN

There is nowhere to turn without God.  I am a sinner, and I have fallen in anger.  My darkness will remain and there is nothing to do but walk through it, as these are the consequences of sin.  I repent, and still my anger wants to shout its righteousness, its argument about how I have been wronged, and wronged for such a long time.  He comforts me with the hush of his spirit, and tells me unabridged, how I must love (I Cor. 13) how I must reconcile (2 Cor. 5:18).  I must listen, I know he is right; I must bring my thoughts captive; I must be humbled.  This call is upon me, this is my part.

 I think of Jesus, silent before his accusers, innocent (which I am not) and willing to bear the humiliation, the wrong, the death on the cross to reconcile me to God, and my heart is heavy with the labor of letting go my own convictions to step into this position of reconciliation.  I cry out, rather, Jesus come!  I write this meditation while in the midst of this pain. Were I on the other side of it, I could easily stress to those in the midst of their darkness, march on soldier, we have overcome!  For obedience is not easy, and God knows that too, so he gently ushers us along, caring for his sheep, leading them toward his highest for us.  Yes, we will overcome because he has overcome, but it is in the battle that we learn the courage to keep marching in spite of our weakness.